Man is a social animal. In that sense, he cannot live by himself, but he is always related somehow with his fellow men. For that purpose throughout their lifespan people develop friendships, love affairs and family ties. The most important relationship of all is the one with the mother, and all subsequent relationships are heavily influenced by this first crucial relationship.
As we grow up and relate with others, we tend to repeat the same patterns of interaction that we first experienced with our mother. For example, a child that had felt rejected by its mother will probably develop, as an adult, a tendency to establish relationships and get involved in situations, in which he/she will re-experience this familiar sense of rejection of his childhood.
The more intimate the relationship, the stronger the conflict, the need, the longing and t
he hardships which manifest and which shape our personality and behavioral tendencies. For example, two friends who know each other for many years and decide to do business together will probably face issues to deal with, sooner or later. In other words, intimacy brings out a kind of emotional turmoil, which explains many of the issues that we observe in a romantic relationship or a marriage. Those issues indicate the projections that take place between partners. That is, people project their own disavowed traits to their lovers or partners, and then carry on to fight those traits, as if they were their partners problem, not theirs. That happens mostly because, in an emotional level, it’s easier to project our troubles to other people, than to own up to them and deal with them. As a result, realizing and dealing with relational and marital issues is a complex and difficult task, albeit a very important one – especially in case there are children, as the relationship of the parents will in turn influence decisively the psychoemotional development of the children.
Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy, which examines the relationship between the partners, married or otherwise. The aim is to understand the unconscious patterns of behavior that each one adopts towards the other, in order to improve their communication and to create favorable circumstances for them to work through their conflicts, towards the change that they want to see in their lives. The dynamics that develop in this setting offer the partners a chance, maybe for the first time in their lives, to really perceive one another and to avoid a stagnant, lifeless repetition of a relationship. Thus, the therapeutic endeavor provides the couple with essential tools to better communicate, and efficiently negotiate their arguments. Furthermore, in case of a successful therapy, people manage to identify and express their emotions, tend to the needs of their partner, show understanding and compassion, and ultimately form a balanced relationship.
